Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Not manly enough for Jabba the Mook

Not that fighting a headwind wasn't enough, but I believe that my sexual orientation and/or manhood (as this is a general-purpose insult from this type, I can't be sure) has been called into question by a motorist.

What a way to start a morning.

Going block by block with traffic and meeting the same vehicles at each intersection, I stopped alongside a giant diesel pickup. I look at the driver -- a charming, 300 pound plus sack of mayonnaise -- as he's stuffing what looks to be by the wreckage on the dash, his second breakfast burrito into a hole in his doughy head. I give him a "Good morning." He looks as me and belches out a "Fag" amidst a shotgun blast of barely chewed tortilla, egg, cheese and sausage. He then stuffs his 60 ounce soft drink above his quivering chins and roars away.

Why is it that all of the epithets that hurled by passing motorists that I've heard, "Fag" is the most common? Is it easy to say? Are you mad at me for reminding you of your physical inabilities/inadequacies? Does my ability to keep up with traffic or his having to drive behind me frustrate you? Does he hate himself for getting hot because he's looking at my ass as I stay ahead of him and his oh-so-manly giant pickup? Is there some impression that bicycling is an exclusive activity of gay men? Did he think I was hitting on him? Was he mad that I wasn't?

It is sad I'll never get to ask him.

10 comments:

Jim Thill said...

You lost a few manly points when you shaved your fabulous beard.

Me said...

"Fag" and "Fast Food" and "Double Chin" and "Pickup Truck"... somewhere in there is the Key.

By the way, don't feel overly sad, you'll meet him again, millions of more times:

There are more of "Them", than "Us"... but I know you know this because you ride a bike.

-Me

bother yam said...

Jim,

I need to get a fabulous mustache like yours...

Me said...

Yam Said:

"Jim,

I need to get a fabulous mustache like yours... "

Easy...

Walgreens, cosmetics dept. Max Factor.

Done.

Next?

-Me

bother yam said...

Walgreens, cosmetics dept. Max Factor.

But, where am I gonna get that creepy aura, the "I've got a piece of candy, little girl" look?

Pete said...

But, where am I gonna get that creepy aura, the "I've got a piece of candy, little girl" look?

Attitudes like this are why car drivers don't like us.

Beast1624 said...

Like I noted on LFOAB: sure you aren't in Texas? That's the kind of crap I put up with all too often from the butt-wipes down here. Funny thing about those guys: they don't seem to realize someone on a bike has a better than average chance of catching up with them at the next light. More than once I've caught up to them, called them out and watched them and their sack shrivel up and drive off. Keep the faith, brother Yam.

Lee (imotoraway podcast) said...

Fag? I didn't know you were a cigarette.

You could have responded by saying "I prefer the term 'Bear'.

But, you did loose some straight bear points by shaving that fabulous beard . I think your beautiful wife wants it back.

Jim Thill said...

"...where am I gonna get that creepy aura, the "I've got a piece of candy, little girl" look?"

It can't be taught. Either you have it, or you don't.

rigtenzin said...

A dog barks, because that's all he knows how to do.